My latest facebook note entitled: 5 year friendship policy? relationships? positivity? & interests

"EVERYBODY'S SO INTIMATE ON THE INTERNET/ BUT FACE TO FACE YOU AIN'T INTO IT?/" -yah

I'm finally going to write a serious note for the fist time...since I'm still on the fence on if I should delete my facebook at the end of the year or not...
1st of all... I'm at a very confusing...yet positive point in my life right now, so don't take this note as me being negative or dark in any way... but I've been thinking a lot...
I've been in NYC for the past few months... "doing me"(whatever that means) and I've been meeting new people...making friendships, or should i correct myself, and say "connections" with people with the same goals and interests as me. Almost once every week... on the bus... in a store... at my place of business up there... but it all makes me think about the people I either grew up with... considered friends... or banged with extremely hard with for years....(one's I'd give an arm and a leg for) and my question is WHAT HAPPENED TO US?? what happened to that undeniable bond between people.... you know...like that bond that we had with music and tv, and school we had at a young age, that you can't get with this new music.... Not for nostalgic reasons...not for trying to relive relationships that are destined to fall apart... but just for reflection purposes I started to wonder why it seems like these relationships end the way they do...

Maybe I changed... Maybe they did.. that's not a bad thing at all... maybe one persons idea of "growing up" is completely different from the others huh?? either way...we all move on... the crazy part is.. and that always has me baffled is... I'm always the one that makes the decision to divide myself from these people... am i wrong? or am i growing in a fashion that doesn't need them in my life anymore?? am i messed up for saying that? these are all good questions.. I don't want to sound like a good person, or care if i sound like a bad one? i'm just a curious person...

Think about your life (which wasn't too long to begin with) think about it in intervals of five years each... I can probably put money on it that... you don't hang out with the people you did five years ago...or date the same guy/girl... and the five years before that...and so on.... it changes almost every five years... why is that?? I guess this convo is directed to the people who are proactive about dropping friends, and moving on... The dominant personalities that probably run the show anyway... is there something that we're craving for that we can't get from those people, or is it just a lack of something???? some people move every five or ten years for reason....is it boredom.. or is it just a search for excitement...

HERE'S THE CRAZY PART ABOUT MY SITUATIONS!?!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? when I finally decide to depart from these lingering relationships with these people that were heavily involved in my life....they NEVER KNOW WHY I LEAVE... these old friends or whatever i call them... they just STOP hearing from me................ some ask "what's wrong", some try and act like every thing's cool and keep trying to hang....some don't say a damn word.... and i guess that's it... The reason I don't say anything is either because I felt disrespected....OR... I've been holding on to these people for so long for all the wrong reasons...that it doesn't even make sense to say "we're not cool anymore" ... i just go...................... just go................ and never say a word...... you know why.......... because deep down.. they knew there was a problem... whether it was my fault or theirs.... people are just not vocal... that's what's wrong with our communities in the first place...

I can say for some... we don't even laugh anymore like we use to... we don't chill....we don't whatever anymore..it was like that at one point... but some monkey wrenches have been thrown all up in our friendship... and the worst part about it is when... they're OBLIVIOUS... that shows how much they care for the friendship huh... you know....... I feel like a 45 year old who is talking about how his closest 5 friends are at each others throats in court over like a thousand dollars...and i'm looking back at our relationships asking "what happened'... I talk to my mom about this.. and she says that it's crazy that I'm going through this now at 22 because some people have their realizations about friends when they're middle aged.

The crazy part is... I can be just find with like one friend and be just fine....is that bad???? or be all by myself..I can entertain myself like nobody's business i tell you.......(old folks talk) but where's the giving and taking in a relationship nowadays... I felt like i was just always giving these people

I was the:
person that would get calls 3am to be the shoulder to cry on... when i had my own problems
letting people borrow money on the drop of a dime
giving rides on the drop of a dime
giving a place to sleep... and my bed... to friends in need
giving advice with peoples family problems.. when i had my own
guiding them to follow their desires (I'm big on that)
helping people fill out college apps and doing their essays and typing them....
the WHOLE 9

but what did I get in return? headaches... nah .... Yah's gotta move on from you people
and hey... I wish you all success, and that you make six figures, have healthy beautiful children and families, and live a satisfying life..... I just can't be apart of it..

I need to be around exciting people... people who..when they walk in a room, you feel their aura... you see them glow..even if they're quiet... something special about that women... or that dude looks like he's interesting.... I need positivity around... not leaches... get my drift.. I got people who WERE old friends... reminiscing and shit around me when they run into me.. like :
remember when we... back in high school
or hey you still go with that girl so and so
and all that sh** ...... MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN FUCK the past... if you're still harping on that... you need to set out a new path, with some new cool shit going on in your life that'll top those semi old ass good times that most of us forgot about...

so what if i
went to the (event) with you back in 05
or came to your crib eight thanksgivings ago
or any of that stuff... cause i'm too aware to know that those days are over.... move on...

*just to note...if you're reading this and you fee like I'm speaking of a friendship that we had that fell apart..and you're just now realizing it........ "IT's ABOUT TIME!!!!!!" I'm not an anti social person.... ask the few people that know me... .I got jokes... I chill ... but with some people it just seems like there's a five year plan on friendships and I'm kinda done with that shit....

The few people I'm befriending now...is it limited too??? i don't know....good question... I guess the moral of the story is to just get what you can get of people and then move on.. that's my mind set because it's been done to me for so long.... if you're hanging around someone for:
a ride
some money
a shoulder to cry on
moral support
laughs
inspiration
motivation
status
love
their possessions .... that's cool....but get it while you can....because if they're smart... they'll notice.......

If you don't:
give a ride once in a while
give them a few dollars when they're hurting
let them tell about how they're feeling from a chance
tell them.... you're a good friend
give them inspiration
give them innovative ideas for once
show them somewhere new and fun to go..... then guess what.... you're a one sided friend and no good for anyone....not even yourself....

((( I'll be surprised if anyone's still reading this blog cause it's so damn long )))

DO YOU KNOW WHO SEEMS TO BE ALMOST THE PERFECT GROUP OF FRIENDS THAT I ENVY AND LOOK UP TO??? (RACHEL, NAKIA, KIM, OKECHI, AND THAT WHOLE GANG) you girls are what i always wanted in a group of friends.... (even if there is tension.....no one can tell cause you all look like the best of friends when i see it and it seems genuine) you have been good friends for like a decade ... and i admire that... so cool.... almost everyone i use to be spotted with.... I kind of moved on from...and i'm curious if I should feel bad...?? cause i don't...

Think about it people.... are you the giver..... the taker..... in your relationship.... or is it even both ways as a good friendship or boyfriend or girlfriend should be....

If you read this far.... thank you.... I'm just putting my thoughts down... if no one comments.. cool... i did this for releasing my thoughts... Peace Yah2